Thursday, May 29, 2014

Taking Stock On My 22nd Birthday

Some snaps from today!
Perhaps it's fitting that I turn such a useless age right in the middle of a year of such change for me. Maybe, in a way, it makes me appreciate it more? Or something? Sure, let's go with that.

When I wrote about the break-up, I made a conscious choice to touch on the fact that I know who I am and, maybe more importantly, I like who I am. This is mostly true, as a whole, but I'm not perfect and I have qualms with myself as most females of my age do.

So, today I begin my 23rd year. And here is where I am:

Sometimes, I randomly start crying hysterically. It's so annoying but I'm still just sad, so I get it out of my system for the time being and hope for the best.

I'm not sleeping well. I usually attribute it to bad dreams, but that's not always the case so I have resigned myself to assuming it's just circumstantial. And this is how it's going to be until I get out of this funk. I know it's "normal", and I'm okay with it. However, I am exhausted.

Sometimes I wake up genuinely happy. Sometimes I wake up really not happy.

Sometimes, I look at myself in the mirror and decide that I like what I see and that I am totally lovable, right? Sometimes...I don't. My skin is in really bad shape right now, like, really bad. It's terribly disheartening. I'm trying a lot of different things, but it's probably stress/anxiety and that's not necessarily gonna go away any time soon.

Iced coffee is my jam these days. There is literally nothing better than getting ready for the day with iced coffee. Even if the plans for the day only include sitting on the couch and marathon-ing "House" *guilty as charged and not even mad about it*

I'm slowly dipping my toes into practicing again. I'm the laziest in the summer.

I'm beginning to realize...around every corner is a new opportunity. When you least expect it, usually. Cheesy, but whatever. It's also weirdly true.

I lost a lot of weight after the break up. Lack of appetite/Passover/getting sick/stress/bullshit. So now, naturally, my eating habits are horrible. Being at home with my Mom's baking doesn't help (even though I LOVE IT), but I really need to start taking better care of my body.

(I say that all the time, but I'm hoping that when I'm living on my own next year I will genuinely crack down and start eating better. Or it could backfire and I could start eating worse! I guess only time will tell.)

I have some amazing people in my life. Even when I am at my saddest, I promise that I know how lucky I am. Also, my Roxycat is the sweetest creature and always knows when I need a snuggle.

I am terrified of all of the change coming my way. I'm terrified of having to do it alone, and I'm terrified that I'm going to fail. But I'm going to do it as well as I can and hopefully that will yield some positive results.

Thank you all for the birthday wishes! They truly brightened my day. Cheers to turning 22, I guess ;)
xx

2 comments:

  1. I had no idea that I missed your birthday! Well, happy belated, beautiful girl. I have such good feelings for your 23rd year! Is that weird? It's a little weird. Well, regardless of weirdness, I mean it. I know I only know you from the internets, but I get this super strong gut feeling sometimes when I just knooow, and honestly I just know that this is going to be a good year for you. One for transformation and for grace. Also one for funny, special, and beautiful moments. I'm so, so impressed with how you've been handling yourself online and I really respect the way you are approaching this break up. You're a really cool person, and I can't wait till we get to be friends in real life. Happy Birthday!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Camille, you are the SWEETEST! I can not wait to meet *in person* sometime, hopefully soon. Thank you so much for this kindness, it really means a lot.

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